View from a jobs conference

Ah yes…the joy of finding work. 

American men make horrible shoe choices.  The suits are ok, but for god sakes, wearing payless shoes or those black “all sport” training shoes with a suit is unacceptable.  You look like the unibomber or that crazy Sociology professor I had in college who couldn’t make it through a 60 minute class without a smoke break.  And you’re 30 years old.  Please do not create the next generation of educators who students make fun of when they’re drunk and stoned at their weekend keg-parties. You are not just filling some pod that says you have to look like a complete dork to be an educator.

Women stress much more than men.  The women here look like they are going to start crying.  Especially the young ones. And, of course, they are continually scoping each other out and giving the old up and down to each other as they pass.  The woman next to me keeps taking deep breaths. She may not want to manage her stress with more coffee. What is that, cup 5 this hour honey. Really. Read the books. Caffeine and stress do not work. I have to give it to her though; it looks like she’s getting a lot of meetings set up. Hopefully she won’t run screaming into the streets before the first one.

Older women with teaching experience seem to think looking professional is all it takes. No wonder kids always hate school.  Where is your computer? Can you talk video games or do you just lecture kids on how bad they are and how good books are.  Sorry sport; 13 year olds don’t give a shit about pride and prejudice unless you can somehow tie it in to something they understand. And finger wagging doesn’t count.

Bow ties are still in? Christ, when I was in school, bow ties were a sign of pretentious asshole teachers to avoid.  Now it’s back to somehow being a sign of intelligence and style.  Come on: If you’re 30 years old or younger, please get rid of this shit once and forall.  If you want to be Andy Rooney then go work at the fucking Post or the Times.  When my child gets to school age, you’d better believe I’ll be checking the school to see if any teachers wears a bowtie. If so, forget it.

Young guys don’t give a shit.  The 20 somethings don’t even seem to care about this whole thing.  They talk about facebook and where they’re getting beers afterwards but nothing about jobs or interviews.  I hope for my sake that we’re interviewing at the same places because it won’t be close; unless the school is looking to hire single 25 year olds for 20,000/year who don’t mind living with 4 of their buddies or think it’s great to live in a dorm with 20 11^th grade lacrosse players.

Too much eye contact.  Dude, eye contact is important but too much is creepy.  It tells me that you’re not thinking about responses or what I’m saying; you’ve read some manual that says eye contact means that you are a “real” guy.  Stop it. It’s not a stare down contest and I’m not in middle school.