One of the most difficult things about moving back to the US is seeing how people lives have progressed do to their staying in one place vs mine from moving around. I see friends building their own businesses, moving their ways up the whatever business and professional ladders they're involved with and it makes me feel like somehow I've missed something. As I've been exploring outside the US I can't help but think sometimes that it has all been based on some type of escapist premise, and not the romantic vision that I let others believe it is.
Any regrets I've had for the life I've led to this point are few and far between. I chose a less traveled road a long time ago and deal with the consequences of those decisions. I do get caught up in my head at times with a minor self loathing for not being more responsible with my handling of my personal affairs; I spent years pushing people and opportunities away in often hurtful ways. My misanthropic tendencies have been exposed and intensified with the assistance of mind-altering substances and rage.
On the other side, however much a piece of me wants to be able to live a more passive and singularly focused existence, I realize that that is probably not the life in store for me. I have been hiding in the shadows for 20 years now. I feel like a vessel that has been emptied of the past and is ready to fill up on act 2 of this life.
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